For the uninitiated... Ellen Alien & Apparat - Orchestra Of Bubbles

(Just a quick disclaimer before I start. The knowledgeable amongst you will know this album already. So for all of you expecting a musical revolution, have patience, young padwans.)

I think it's important to share the real gems that we come across. If we didn't do that then music wouldn't work. Just because this was released in 2006, doesn't mean it's not worth listening to. I can promise you the beats are still frrrrrrrresh!

I recommend everyone goes here, and buys this album right now. I honestly can't think of a better way to spend £7.48. Seriously, i've just been sitting here for 10 minutes trying to think of an amusing way to spend £7.48. Best thing I've come up with is Halal Love Hearts. 

That, my friends, is a cracking cover. The songs in it are just as good. I don't really want to break it down track by track but 'Rotary' is the highlight for sure.

It's techno, but not as you know it. There's none of that mindless pill-crazed-eastern-europe-fist-pump-smash-stomp.......

These guys LOVE hard pumping techno. 

Picture the scene: you're in Poland, you've got spiky red hair, no shirt and a backpack, you've found a slutty techno girl in a bikini and they are playing mindless techno. You're in bloody paradise! And look at the guy in the background. Look at him! He bloody loves it! He's literally doing a fist-pump-smash-stomp! Fuck I love Poland.

...

.........that you find hanging around in the 'techno' section of Music & Video Exchange. (On a side note, aren't the people who work in that shop the most miserable tossers you've ever met? They won't talk to you unless you know the name of the pet rabbit whose owner played the harpsichord on Syd Barrett's unreleased, unfinished 2nd album. Twats.)

Anyway, this is the proper stuff. Deep, melodic, intricate, clever, emotional (yes, electronic music can be emotional you philistines), and accessible. You don't have to sit through 4 minutes of crashing synths waiting for a beat. It's gloopy, it's shlompy.............

and it's Chip's first Blip.

A Eulogy to Rob Da Bank

Not many men with pony-tails have my respect and undying admiration, but this man is one of them. (For the techno-spazzes amongst you, when the word is purple it means I want you to click on it.)

(This man does not have my respect)

Not only does he look like a chump, but he also has a really stupid name. I mean come on, Rob Da Bank? I think if you gave 1000 8 year old boys free rein on a DJ name, at least half would pick that. Although maybe that's what he was going for. Probably, given that he is actually a supreme being.

But this daftly-named, hippy-haired man is actually a total genius. His now defunct show 'The Blue Room' on Radio 1 pioneered the kind of gloopy, blippy and just plain weird music that only a fool could ignore. Or someone who wasn't awake from 2am to 4am on a Sunday night. Either or...

If you still need a reason to believe me then here it comes: he invented Bestival. Unfortunately he cannot control the weather, I'm sure lots of you feel my pain on this one.

Thankfully, the Beeb have kept my modern musical hero on the Radio. He does 2 shows every week, one solo effort playing the weird and wonderful, and the other (Rob Da Bank and friends) playing a guest's A-Z selection.

Here are the links for Sunday's shows.

Rob Da Bank Show

Rob Da Bank and Friends

I actually haven't picked the most accessible week of shows for the uninitiated. The RdB&F show is with Simian Mobile Disco, and they play some really weird stuff. But you know what, it's all music, and at least you will be able to say, "Hey yeh, I know who Black Meteoric Cloud are and I think they are shit!" instead of pretending to be cool and lying about knowing them when you are talking to that boy with a stupid fringe and purple jeans smoking Gitanes.

(They really are shit)

August 2009

1. MSTRKRFT & John Legend – Heartbreaker

This is massive. Imagine an elephant on a Space Hopper. Now imagine that the elephant is this song, and that the little bouncy globe is every other dance track around. Crushed.

2. Phoenix – Lisztomania

If this doesn’t make you happy then you are dead inside. That’s all there is to it.

3. Discovery – Osaka Loop Line

Holy Moses, this is radical. Discovery, for those who don’t know, are a tasty little side project from some of the boys who brought us Vampire Weekend. So make yourself a tasty little sandwich of Vampire vocals (let’s call them the bacon), Au revoir Simone loops (farmhouse white roll), a bit of Autechre crash noise (tomato), poppy genius (lettuce), and slurpy RnB vibes (mayonnaise). Now a lot of people don’t like mayonnaise and a lot of people don’t like RnB. My response to you people is in the form of a question. Would you eat mayonnaise on its own? I rest my case. I am aware there may be people out there who cannot (or choose not to) eat bacon. I’ve got one thing to say to you people. Make your own fucking sandwich.

4. Grafton Primary – I Can Cook

Step up, Australia’s answer to MYLO. Yes yes yes, MYLO is “like totally frickin passé”, and will forever be remembered for the legions of shocking ‘Drop The Pressure’ remixes. But do you remember hearing it for the first time? Do you remember your mind literally exploding when that bar/psi/mbar/mb/N/m2/Pa/hPa/kPa was finally dropped? It’s hard to erase the other 41,563 I know, but have a go. Can’t do it? Listen to this, loud.

5. Chairlift – Evident Utensil

If I could bottle the key ingredient of “stickinyourheadiness” in a song, I’d be a rich man. Maybe it’s the “Aqua – Barbie Girl” style macho commentary in the background, maybe it’s the little “Wooo Oooh” she does, maybe it’s the fact the song is only 2.51 long. OR maybe (this is my strongest theory), it’s the fact that they’ve realised how killer the chorus is and have decided to just repeat it again and again until your ears are addicted. Mine are.

6. The Horrors – Sea Within A Sea

Tough to pick a track from this album given that they’re all verrry good, but I’ve gone with this one. I didn’t really like these jumped-up little goth-monkeys at the beginning, but you can’t argue with this album. Joy Division with dying synths and hairspray. Dark, sombre and fucking good.

7. Soap and Skin – Cynthia

From one spookfest to another. This cracking little Austrian is 18. Pah! How can she produce music this haunting? The only Austrian I know who could possibly make music this dark spent her life in a cellar. Do I want to go there? Not really. Just to clarify though, Anja Plaschg, the genius behind Soap and Skin, is no relation. And it’s no laughing matter.

8. Middle East – Blood

Before listening to this track, consider the band’s name, the track’s name, and the fact that it’s on SPUNK Records. Nothing will prepare you for the explosion of beauty that will bundle your poor, tired ears into a cotton-wool cloud and feed them grapes and love noodles (except perhaps the fact that you have just read this). Arcade Fire/Fleet Foxes/Bon Iver fans, jump on this Australian folksy bandwagon. What is a folksy bandwagon? An applecart? A wheelbarrow? And what the fuck are love noodles?

9. Class Action - Weekend

I’m going to keep my playlists to 9 songs. All killer, no filler. 9th song will always be the track from leftfield. The doosra for all you cricket fans, the curveball for all you Yanks, the ………… for all you people more able to think of comparisons than me.

This track is a little slice of disco pie. Short(crust) and sweet. I couldn’t resist.

Please enjoy this playlist responsibly. If you aren’t good at controlling your limbs I would recommend avoiding listening whilst driving. May cause uncontrollable beat spasms. There’s the disclaimer, now my ass is covered. See you in September for the next instalment.

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Well well. Here I am.

It seems now is the time to start contributing.

I don’t feel I’ve contributed enough yet in my 24 years. Here seems like a good place to start.

Music makes me happy, hopefully I can make you happy. See what I did there? It’s like one of those never-ending Zen master circles of energy, except probably a little bit better.

So, help me, help you (help ME, help YOU) and cast your beady eyes onwards.

I think I’m going to do a playlist every month, and then just put little snipperty-jibbets in whenever I feel like it in between. Ahh, those difficult in-between times.